The Pity Party Prayer & The Power of the Question

There were years I lived in a desert of silence — not the sandy kind, but the dry, aching place inside where prayers hit the ceiling and fell back heavy on my chest. I called it my forty nights in the desert, though truthfully, it stretched closer to three years.

In that time, I became a master of the pity-party prayer:

“Why is this happening to me?” “Why have You left me alone?” “Why can’t I catch a break?”

Each “why” echoed like a hammer inside my head, and instead of finding peace, I spiraled deeper into frustration, loneliness, and exhaustion. I was begging for answers, but I was unknowingly asking the wrong questions.

When the night feels endless, remember: the right question can call the light back. Dawn always follows.

It took years — and many tears — before I realized that the question itself was the block.

Because what I realized was: The quality of the question shapes the quality of the answer. The power of the question shapes the power of the answer.

Ask from fear, and you’ll get more fear. Ask from love, and you’ll get more love. The way we frame our longing is the doorway through which guidance walks in.

What the Teachers Say

Philosopher Rainer Maria Rilke once wrote:

"Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves... Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer."

Modern thinkers echo the same truth: coaching, therapy, even neuroscience show that reframing the question changes the brain’s response. When we shift from “Why am I stuck?” to “What is one step I can take right now?”, the brain begins searching for solutions instead of spinning in loops. For me, it feels that spirit responds the same way.

Three Ways to Reframe your Question

1. Shift from “Why” to “What” or “How.”

Instead of: “Why is this happening to me?”

Try: “What is this experience teaching me?”

Try: “How can I see this through love’s eyes?”

2. Ask from Empowerment, not Victimhood.

Instead of: “Why am I always unlucky?”

Try: “How can I align with greater flow and opportunity?”

3. Focus on Next Steps, not Endless Loops.

Instead of: “Why do I feel so stuck?”

Try: “What is the next small step I can take toward alignment?”

Even in the driest season, one true question can open the cracks and let life bloom.

The Universe always answers — but it speaks in the language of the question you ask. If you frame your question as a doorway, guidance will walk through. If you frame it as a wall, you’ll just hear your own echo.

The next time you feel the ache of silence, try shifting the words. Turn your “why” into a “what” or “how.” Form your question as an invitation instead of an interrogation.

And watch how quickly the desert starts to bloom. Chara