When You’ve Done All You Can - Time to Trust

The Descent (Again)

There are moments in this journey where I feel like I’m sliding backward—back into the same darkness I once fought tooth and nail to escape. I know I’m not alone in this. You think you’ve finally graduated from the lessons, healed the patterns, earned your gold star for spiritual growth… and then life hands you another syllabus.

Block After Block

For a good handful of years, I lived in survival mode—scraping by, praying, believing, doing everything I could to stay afloat. Then suddenly, a surge of support came through. A sparkle. A wave of divine grace that made everything click into place. I thought, finally. I thought I was done with the descent.

But lately, I can feel that pull again—the heaviness, the panic of falling behind, the whispers that maybe I’m being dragged back into struggle. I’m still showing up. Still doing the internal and external "work". Still doing all the “right” things… but the ground feels unstable.

The Purge

4 years ago, I knew I needed to change. I was good at what I did—helping other people bring their dreams to life. I was the “dream maker.” I could take an idea and turn it into a tangible, sellable thing. But even though I was good at it, I wasn’t fulfilled.

Spirit was calling me back. I could hear the whisper: It is time.

So I began weaning off from what was familiar and began to create Meditators Guide - which was instructed to me in the quiet of the night.

At first, Meditators Guide was practical—hypnotherapy and meditation for fears, habits, phobias, it was good stuff - but as I was building it, everything around me crumbled. Jobs ended. People left. Outdated ideas about myself and what I wanted were changing rapidly. The old world fell apart.

In hindsight, I know now: to step fully into a new version of myself, the old me had to die. The purge wasn’t punishment—it was preparation. But it felt like being cracked open with no guarantee I’d ever close again. It was scary stuff.

The Sparkle, Then the Halt

And then… light. A miraculous wave of luck and alignment. I felt God again. I felt led, inspired, brand new. Money was flowing. I revamped Meditators Guide, gave away the 70+ sessions I used to charge for, and made everything more authentic—aligned with the journey I had actually lived.

It was glorious. I felt magnetic. And then, just as I was about to launch everything I’d worked on for the majority of the year—everything halted.

I needed additional funds that I did not budget for, in order to launch the Meditators Guide App.

The two consulting jobs that were paying the bills while I built MG? Gone. Both clients heartbroken, both swearing it wasn’t me—it was “budget cuts.” (And both promising to rehire in the new year)

The piece of land I was about to secure for my family? Gone.

Momentum? Gone.

Inspiration thwarted as I doubted everything I was building.

It was as if the universe hit pause on every moving part of my life all at the same time.

The Hustle & The Humility

So I did what we all do when the money dries up—I hustled. I tried everything: called everyone I knew, updated resumes, revived old projects, reached out to possible investors. And even when I got small bursts of help, nothing moved me over the threshold.

Desperate to feel back on track, I did the inner work. The shadow work. The prayers, protection spells, banishings, meditations. (You name it, I probably saged it.) I made peace offerings to my fear. I created sessions for me (and shared it on youtube), to help myself process the anger and frustration. I looked at every possible block—spiritual, emotional, ancestral, energetic.

And still… nothing shifted on the outside. I was burnt out from “figuring it out.” Out of gas. Out of ideas. Out of fight. Out of light.

The Rainbow and the Reminder

So there I was (this afternoon)—tired, broke, trying to squeeze hope out of exhaustion. I sat in silence, asking the Divine what to do next.

The only thing I heard was: “Let go.”

Tarot said the same thing. "Let it be not my will but Thine" My meditations said the same thing. "Surrender" My shower downloads said the same thing. "There is a greater hand steering your course than yours" Even the quiet said the same thing. "Shhh, relax baby."

And then—because life loves a little drama—just as I was journaling about all this, literally writing to God, "How can I trust and do nothing when we have to eat", the power went out. Everything shut down. Computer. Lights. All of it.

I stepped outside for air, cigarette in hand, heart heavy, muttering a few choice words about timing—and there it was. A double rainbow stretching across my balcony view.

Now, the double rainbow is my sign. It’s shown up for me three times—every single time I’ve had an existential crisis. And there it was again, when everything felt like it was falling apart.

It stopped me in my tracks. Because that symbol—those two arcs of color—have always meant promise. A quiet whisper that says, You are not abandoned.

A quiet whisper that says, You are not abandoned.

Doing from Trust

I smiled, and my whole body released. In that moment I felt held, and inspired to share this moment.

Wait...INSPIRATION?

For the last month, I had been trying to force my fate to change back to grace and ease. Nothing was inspired. Everything was coming from panic and fear. That is when it clicked:

Letting go is not the opposite of doing.

It’s not giving up—it’s changing the energy behind your action.

Doing from fear says: I must fix this so I can be safe. Doing from trust says: I am safe, and from that safety, I move.

It’s a rhythm. Act, then exhale. Move, then release. Plant the seed, then stop digging up the soil to see if it’s growing.

Easy to say, right? But 'trusting' when you’re being drained down to your last drop of gas takes practice. It’s easy to have faith when everything’s flowing. It’s much harder when you’re watching your life unravel while still trying to believe in divine timing.

Because yes, we love divine timing—until it starts messing with the rent.

Practicing the Trust

So that’s where I am now. Somewhere between surrender and a mild panic attack. And I’ve decided: for the next week, I’m going to practice trusting completely.

Trusting when it makes no sense. Trusting when the world feels like it’s burning down. Trusting even when every logical part of me wants to “figure it out.”

Because maybe that’s the point. Maybe this isn’t about mastering trust once and for all—it’s about returning to it every day, even when it’s shaky and imperfect.

If you’re in that space too—if you’ve done all you can and still feel like the universe is ghosting you—come sit with me in this experiment.

I recorded a meditation called “When You’ve Done All You Can.” It’s a space to breathe, release control, and remember that even in the uncertainty, grace is still threading through.

Let’s try this together.

I don’t know if it’s the solution.

But it was inspired by a double rainbow,

For me, and for You. Chara P.S. — A Note from Me

In an effort not to hold Meditators Guide hostage to the timing of the app (because divine timing is great, but tech timelines… not so much), I’ve decided to start releasing the programs now.

Each one will be available individually as a one-time purchase — no subscriptions, no waiting. Just you, the work, and the journey — ready whenever you are.

I’ll keep adding more as they’re ready, so check back often. The intention is simple: keep the healing moving, even while the bigger pieces come together, and timing aligns. CLICK TO VIEW PROGRAMS